Omigodtheykilledkenny/Sandbox

Omigodtheykilledkenny is a nation located in Antarctic Oasis, mainly known for its staunch sovereigntist stance in the UN/WA, occasionally trying to blow the UN/WA up, and an exceptionally violent, dimwitted populace who are frequently featured on episodes of World's Dumbest..., yadda yadda yadda. We've been wikifying this nation since it was founded, and frankly, after ten years of regurgitating the same old stuff, we're sick of it. If you're looking for basic info about our country, check out our FAQ. Generic encyclopedic content is not our aim here.

Instead, we're going to focus our efforts on revealing stuff about Omigodtheykilledkenny that readers probably haven't heard about before. So without any further ado, here are:

The Top XX things about Omigodtheykilledkenny you never knew before (but wish you did!)

1. All great moments in Kennyite history were fueled by alcohol

OK, so maybe that one's not that big of a shocker. But it's undeniably true. How else do you explain how Thor got elected the first president? Or the February 11 revolt wherein Thor's followers wedgied the Xtap's leaders? Or the February 12 revolt wherein the political opposition wedgied Thor? In its early days, Omigodtheykilledkenny was nearly sold off to the French in a bogus (but thankfully queered) "peace treaty" because the Kennyite negotiators were too freakin' sloshed to know what they were doing. Decades later, Gen. Borracho Villa liquored up his troops on S'more Schnapps in order to convince them to mutiny against the government to spark a communist revolution within the nation, and the Kennyite Civil War was begun. Thankfully the insurrection (brought on when Villa misread the Communist Menifesto and became convinced that a communist regime would give him all sorts of free stuff) was quickly put down, and Villa himself was caught skinnydipping with some of his young male comrades-at-arms -- protesting, naturally, "This isn't what it looks like!" -- before any more blood was needlessly shed. And lest we forget Manuelo Fernanda's drinking binges that wrought the invasion of Tiki Taki, the Kitten Revolution, and the appointment of Jack Riley as UN ambassador, the problem has not abated in modern times. Let us leave you with the parting words of an Ecopoeian minister, "Learn your lesson, kids. Alcohol makes you retarded."

2. Their president is an illegal alien.

Yeldashae Cåmwythøän!

At least, that's what the conspiracy manuals say -- and we don't mean that he's an undocumented immigrant; we mean he's an actual space alien! Casino mogul Bernard Chump, who recently announced he would not be seeking the Kennyite presidency in 2020, on the grounds that "bombastic, self-serving ignorance is already a substantially cornered market in the world of Kennyite politics," has been insisting for years that President Sammy Faisano was actually born on the Pleiadean planet of Trid. "Unless he can produce a birth certificate proving beyond a doubt that he was born on Planet Earth, then I will continue to question his eligibility for the office of President of the Federal Republic," Chump said. "Also, he's a loser, he's a terrible leader, his hair is not nearly as great as mine, and his popularity ratings are a disgrace. I'm much more popular than he is." As Faisano was adopted, his ancestral background has always been something of a mystery, and the fact that he is ethnic-looking just makes it worse. Rumors that his maternal birth grandparents were actually Gelziens haven't helped either. As Chump says, "they're rapists." Yelda thus far has refused comment on Chump's assertions that Faisano was born on their home planet, though the president's ex-fiancee Avaya Thibaudet had this to say: "It certainly explains his little 'hot alien chick' fetish."

3. Their State Department spends roughly 95% of its time responding to SC proposals about their country.

That's right, it has become something of an international pastime to honor the Kennyites in the Security Council -- whether by repealing the nation's condemnation (the first issued to a nation, in fact), or even by trying to commend the dolphin-killing freaks. And the government's responses are not always pretty. The secretary of state's job has gotten so awful, in fact, that it turns out 100% of secretaries of state in office since the SC was established would rather be vice president then spend another stinkin' minute worrying about the stupid Security Council, because 100% of said secretaries have actually accepted nominations for vice president and got elected to the post. We wouldn't be surprised if the current secretary of state had vice-presidential ambitions of his own. For the record, the Federal Republic's official position on its highly controversial condemnation is...*ahem!*..."WE DON'T FUCKING CARE!! YOU LOSERS HAVE VOTED ON US THREE TIMES ALREADY; ISN'T THAT FUCKING ENOUGH?!?!?!" End communication.

4. Speaking of the Security Council, they wrote its very first resolution.

It failed, true, but that doesn't change the fact that the Kennyites were first to the bat when the SC was opened for business in June 2009. At lot of countries that were around at the time already know this -- including Sedgistan, who often smugly sneers that Kennyites have done nothing for the SC -- but one thing they might not know is that even [violet] chimed in when they tried to condemn gatesville (now Gatesville Inc) as the SC's first order of business. It remains the only United Nations or World Assembly debate to log a response from NationStates' bloodthirsty goddess.

5. They're the only country to raise an issue flagged as "a trap" by NS++.

Screenshot of Afforess' "It's a trap" banner, only on NS++.

For some reason, Afforess really, really hated the Kennyites, and to this day no one quite understands why. Anyway, when Afforess responded to the dilemma "Extremists on the Ballot Sheet," expecting a boost in national freedoms, it instead resulted in a downgrade to its World Census civil-rights rating. And the nation's leader was most displeased, taking to the international issues forum to lodge a complaint that the issue had only been raised to "troll" him. He proceeded to post a warning to any other nation that encountered the issue (if they used NS++), that it had been "constructed to intentionally trap nations with vaguely worded options and illogical outcomes," and "strongly" recommending that it be "dismissed with prejudice." It's the only issue (to our knowledge) to come with a special warning on that site, and Kennyites can only but feel pride to have ruffled its creators' feathers so.

6. Legally, the Federal Republic is a "not-for-profit corporation."

A remnant from the now-largely-defunct Creative Solutions Agency, who thought that reclassifying Omigodtheykilledkenny as a "member company" and not a "member state" might prove a fail-safe for the agency's aims at weaseling out of good-faith compliance with international law. "Federal Republic of Omigodtheykilledkenny Inc." is listed as a "philanthropic company delivering essential services and assistance to its valued membership." The "membership," of course, is the Kennyite citizenry, who continue to pay taxes and government fines as "membership dues," and the "essential services" are national defense, foreign trade, commerce, international diplomacy, presidential limos, and all that good stuff. Whether this scheme would actually pass muster with the gnomes seeking to verify enforcement of UN/WA mandates remains to be seen, and probably will not be for some time, as Omigodtheykilledkenny has no immediate plans for returning to the WA as a full member.

7. The locally produced Blast! Cola has killed an estimated 8.5 million people.

...according to class-action lawyers representing 20 million plaintiffs, who claim that the mega-popular soda's unusually high caffeine content is responsible for an untold number of cardiac-related deaths. Blast!, while not as dangerously addictive like Pink Bunny Cola and other known international brands, still contains 80mg of caffeine per 12oz can, along with trace amounts of peyote, oleoresin capsicum, and crack cocaine, and has been blamed for several international incidents, including the 2014 defeat of the WA Rights and Duties repeal. It is the only non-alcoholic drink that feels the need to warn its consumers to "drink responsibly." Even so, the company's legal team faults the legendary stupidity of many Kennyite citizens for any health problems. "Let us not forget the 2006 incident wherein 5,000 Kennyites died of potassium poisoning because Norderia's ambassador joked on TV that they 'don't seem to eat a lot of bananas for members of their species,' and many took it as a challenge," the company's representatives said in a statement. Blast!, which is popular in many countries -- most of them WA-affiliated -- is the main corporate sponsor of the current Kennyite administration.

8. Kennyites collectively consume about half a million tons of Mike and Ikes per year.

That's right, pony nations. We eat your young!

45 percent of all Mike and Ikes are consumed in movie theaters (helping Kennyite cinema fans to sit through such modern-day classics as Spank Me Scotty! II and Fast and Furious 15), 20 percent are consumed while intoxicated, and another 15 percent because "we thought they were vitamins." Mike and Ikes are considered a powerful aphrodisiac in Omigodtheykilledkenny, which ranks among the most obese nations in the world. Other popular candy items in the Federal Republic are Diabetia's ChocoBlast Nut Crunch Bars and Mrs. Cartman's Pancake Powdered Doughnuts. As far as fast food goes, McDolphins™, home of the mega-seller Dolphin McNuggets, is king, but My Little Ponyburger™ has seen increased sales since courts ruled in 2010 that even though eating bronies was considered cannibalism, eating pony is perfectly acceptable; neigh, delectable! Chairman Diřgę's Kenvaldgefþsìorrui Fried Guinea leads foreign fast-food franchises in Omigodtheykilledkenny; they are currently looking for a new mascot.

9. Game of Thrones used Kennyite extras for its 'winter zombies,' and didn't even have to use makeup.

Yeah, haha, funny joke, right? Because Kennyites are already a bunch of mindless cretins who live in a frozen wilderness, so why would they need cosmetics when they already look like the real thing? HBO executives probably thought it was hilarious when they proposed that the Wight scenes be filmed in the Federal Republic. But the joke was on them: Game of Thrones tanked in Omigodtheykilledkenny, because really, why would the zombies still be trapped in the north when they are awesome supercreatures with magic powers who could easily crush the stupid wannabe kings and rule Westeros for themselves? That's what the Kennyites did when they first arrived in Ameranta, after all. TV shows that are actually popular include World Assembly, a comically illogical "reality" show about violent and corrupt "diplomats" who think their silly "international laws" actually matter; World's Dumbest Kennyites, another reality selection about a bunch of average Joes just trying to find their place in a chaotic and nonsensical world; Cute Suits, which is pretty much Sex and the City in a game-show format; and Antigone Morgan's Antarctica, because who doesn't like a good farce about a spoiled rich prima donna? Amigos, the Kennyite Friends knockoff, and the old children's show The Counts of Hasbro, which features lovable young rebels driving around the countryside in a brightly painted racecar -- but is definitely not a knockoff, since it's a red Camaro and not an orange Charger -- are big in syndication.

10. Candidates for office wear NASCAR-style jackets covered with corporate logos.

It's a logical wardrobe choice, since all candidates, especially those for federal office, need to land at least several highly influential corporate sponsors in order to get elected, and those sponsors will naturally demand something in return, like ad space. Oh, and complete control of the country and society. A shady group of business leaders forms the real government of Omigodtheykilledkenny, and while they never actually meet in secret-society type gatherings, politicians in the Federal Republic know what is expected of them by their corporate masters. Hence, most government services have been outsourced to the private sector, and the federal government does little more than tell the military which country to invade next in order to keep the public distracted from domestic problems. The jackets were an idea stolen from Bill Maher during a Larry King Live appearance some 15+ years ago, and have been generally well-received by voters -- particularly after a wardrobe malfunction resulted in part of Antigone Morgan's jacket being accidentally torn off by Sammy Faisano during a campaign rally in 2005.

11. The Creative Solutions Agency is an international franchise.

CSA, the Kennyites' cherished loophole-hunting UN/WA "compliance" advisory, may have been denounced by the gnomes, ridiculed by more sensible powers, and famously skewered by Omigodtheykilledkenny's previously mentioned Condemnation, but it is still admired and emulated by a number of other countries, including those who use CSA's name (which is a registered trademark of national corporate sponsors) for their own compliance agencies -- as well as countless other nations who hear from their "Creative Solutions Ministers" while grappling with common issues such as airport overcapacity, superstorms and budget shortfalls.

12. As you read this, the Kennyite space station is hurdling toward your capital city.

The Hoosier DATI, streaking over Loch Ness.

Yeah, best get your space agency to aim all available telescopes upward, and make sure your astronomers account for previous sightings, because the station has been mistaken for a meteor or even a comet in the past. Dubbed the Dual-purpose Aerospace Transporter and Incubator (DATI), the Hoosier, or Hoosier DATI, it appears in the night sky as a streaking fireball that's seemingly headed straight for the Earth before suddenly lunging upward at the very last second. That's because it's on fire and in an extremely erratic orbit. Apparently it caught fire during launch and the astronauts on board have just been too lazy to put it out. It's cool, though; it's not like there's a lot of oxygen up there to keep it burning very hot. It's just that K-Space has had to cut costs since its nuclear space shuttle crash-landed on the Moon (the Man in the Moon hasn't looked the same since), a catastrophe they're still paying for. Nonetheless, Kennyites are proud of their accomplishments in space. They were the first country to launch a chimpanzee into orbit -- back in '62, aboard the rocket Pepsi Presents: The Universe! -- and in 2007, they became the first to launch a penguin. Over the years, K-Space has been in cooperation with the Palentine Space Agency on a number of joint projects, including an orbital shipyard, a lunar base, the first manned round-trip mission to Mars in 2005 -- and nine years after that, a fullscale invasion of the Red Planet. They also discovered Fido, a tiny distant world which snobby astronomers recently decided was not good enough to be a planet. But they don't have a Death Star, so who cares what they think?!?