Ardchoille–Omigodtheykilledkenny relations
 Ardchoille[1] Omigodtheykilledkenny | |
| Diplomatic Mission | |
|---|---|
|
Ardchoillean Embassy, Paradise City Kennyite Embassy, Ardrigh | |
| Envoy | |
|
Amb. Thierry La Fronde Amb. Paradoasm Banofshan |
Ardchoille–Omigodtheykilledkenny relations refers to the diplomatic relationship between Ardchoille and
Omigodtheykilledkenny. The history of the two countries' interactions is not long -- they first encountered each other at the United Nations (now the World Assembly) little more than a decade ago -- but has nonetheless proved extraordinarily eventful. So eventful, in fact, that diplomats on both sides have taken to medicating themselves to forget many of said events. There was a necromancy. And a catnapping. Not to mention a 'KwikiLeaks' scandal, an invasion of smelly hippies, and, horror of horrors, a sappy teen romance worthy of The CW's primetime lineup. Dear God, make it stop.
History
It was your classic boy-meets-girl, boy-likes-girl, boy-passes-girl-a-note-in-class ("Do you like me? Check yes or no."), girls-says-eh-not-so-much-but-here's-a-zombie, boy-steals-girl's-cat, girl-vows-REVENGE!!!-and-steals-Jack-Riley, girl-quickly-realizes-she-got-the-raw-end-of-the-deal, boy-proposes-to-girl, boy-fools-around, girl-turns-boy-into-a-toad, story. Ardchoille and Omigodtheykilledkenny grew acquainted through their mutual contacts in the United Nations Old Guard and officially established diplomatic relations in late 2005. However, the Kennyites neglected to disclose their ambassador Jack Riley's suspect mental health, and things swiftly spun out of control when Riley abducted Ardchoillean President Dicey Reilly's[2] cat Bast. A minor international incident -- involving lawyers, a bunch of Kennyite hippies, and Dicey's falling for the hippie "GrandAlf" -- ensued, wherein Bast was eventually discovered in the luggage of one Sammy Faisano, newly minted Kennyite ambassador to the UN. Ardchoille, summoning all their wizardly tricks, successfully magicked Bast to safety, but by some unforeseen supernatural mishap, also recovered Jack Riley. Faisano negotiated for Riley's release, Reilly accepted, and all seemed right with the world once again. Then Faisano met Reilly's young apprentice Avaya Thibaudet, and the cascading melodrama of their stormy engagement -- agonizingly panned out in Ardrigh tabloids and (later) Thibaudet's tell-all bestseller, I (Almost) Married a Dud -- repeatedly threatened to rend the shaky peace between the two countries. On a fateful Thanksgiving night in 2009,[3] Avaya had finally had her fill of Sammy's lame explanations about supposed other women, and ended up chasing him down the WAHQ driveway, wielding a nine-iron while Sammy tried to speed away in a diplomatic SUV, which he errantly crashed into a statue on the grounds. Three years later, an estranged and embittered Faisano would become president of Omigodtheykilledkenny, but still the tenuous Ardchoillean-Kennyite relationship survived.
There was some other stuff lost in the scuffle: like the anti-sovereigntist "occupation" of the Kennyite WA offices, supposedly engineered by Dicey Reilly; yet another run-in between Jack Riley and Bast; a filedump on the Ardchoillean transparency Web site KwikiLeaks, detailing alleged criminal acts of Kennyite officials; and -- oh yeah -- Avaya's attempted abduction at the hands of Kennyite security czar Jenny Chiang. But you can read about all of that in Bob Woodward's forthcoming exposé, Shitstorm: How the Kennyites Almost Blew Up the World.
Notes
- Probably not where Ardchoille is located, but for purposes of this article, let's just assume it is.
- No relation.
- No, that is not a typo: it had been just four years since all this crap started happening.
